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Dun Try To Understand Me When You Cant. Wednesday, November 25, 2009 I can’t tell you who I am now. I don’t know anymore. I can’t find the voice to say about me now. Who I was then and now. I used to know my rose. I used to count its colours. Pick up its fallen petals. And compare them to the flowers. But now my rose grew thorns. And now its petals are black. They tackle and pierce me all around. And stab me in my back. I used to love the sun. I used to crave its light. Sensing its arms around me. Hugging me, ‘til I was out of its sight. But now the sun upsets me. And now I crave the night. Waiting until the the end of the day. That would make me feel alright. I used to enjoy going out. I used to always participate. Invariably living life. And leaving the rest to fate. But now fate is against me. And now I’m paying the price. Thoughts of pain and unpleasantness. Never thinking what’s nice. I used to always fit in. I used to always talk. Constantly racing vitality. And never stopping to walk. But now I always give up. And now I don’t know to race. Always being the misfit. The one who hides her face. So if you ask me who I am. And my reply is obsecure. Don’t think about its meaning. It’s better to leave it unsure. [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] Im seeing another option. Finding a way to rediscover myself again. I dun think its wrong fer me if i start to withdrawn myself frem others. And also,giving up on something that im dedicated to is heartbreaking. Thats the only way that i think i would be happy n also make things better. Be it for myself or my family. As fer my "real n unreal world". I only know 2 things. -I belong to me -I belong to hym(you) Whether i am conscious or wide awake. I will still be in my two dimensional world that i cant separate myself with. Thats the truth. People might think that im lack of confidence. Actually,its not that. Its nth abt confidence or lack of love. Its just me. N idk what/why or when it turned me into new me. I cant deny that each day im turning defenceless n hopeless. And i duno what i need to get out frem what im feeling now. In these kind of state. I am trying hard to push myself that i should be in the real world more than just being in fantasy that always gives me pleasure,secure n cold. But how can i not be tempted when being in fantasy makes me feel that im real. I cant differentiate the real and unreal. The wrongs the rights. Ill cry without any reason. Being in circles with some people would suddenly make me cry. Most of the time,i just duno myself. I started to distant myself frem some selected people so that they wont notice what im doing. Being alone is what i desperately like to be in,just to feel hym. Gosh.... Whats happening to me.. What is going to happen to me.... What i am going to become.. Its just soo bloom n dark nowadays. N no,i am not sick. I dun need a shrink. Whether im going to be turn out worse or not. I hope someday,il get to rediscover myself. before who knows things might go out of hand. And found the the missing piece that i feel broken/lifeless n lost without it. Just what i am looking for?? Whats the missing piece?? Labels: I belong to you 5:27 AM |
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