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Soul Seaching Hunt. Monday, November 23, 2009 I do not seem to understand why littliest thing that i would have in my possesion fer only a short time would eventuali bring a big impact on me,my life. I tried to think its just my thoughts n its nth more that i should worry about. The more i think about it,the more im breaking down inside. It feels nothing. I feel thr's a missing piece that would make me feel whole again. The emptyness that live in me is so much greater that the feeling of cutting myself. Sometimes..I just wish that i live in fantasy n not reality. Where i knoe that he is there with me. Never gonna take hys eyes off me. He would protect me whatever come what may,he'll be there. I really wish i could be hys kind. Its killing me that each morning i wakes up,its the plain same thing with nothing to look forward to. Its tougher for me to adamantly convinced myself that im in the reality world. That makes me feel totally far from hym. I admit that im getting crazier each day. Just that i dont show openly to anyone. I rather keep it to myself. I am more confident n calm in my fantasy world where i could only think/feel that he's there. Its kindda wary when i think of the possibilities in future. Why am i feeling sad most of the time? Why do i feel that im missing a missing broken piece to my life? Why do i think doing wrong is the right thing? I dont think im making sense each day. At times,i rather hope that i am not what i am. Or who i am. If only thr's someone would throw me at the other region of the country,wouldnt it be nice. I wouldnt feeling lost. I am just looking forward for 2011. I am going to Paris,hopefully. Yes,Paris. A beautiful/romantic place for lovers with so horrifying and unique ancient histories. At least,by then i think i'll get some light or signs for my questions that i have been looking for. Or perhaps,be myself again. I am not crazy nor hallucinating anything yet. But i guess,il have to give myself a reality check more often. I just love to be in fantasy. N no,i am not under any influenced that turned me into what i am now.Like i said before,i feel so broken inside. I feel lifeless. I feel thr's a need fer me to look fer the missing piece that i felt nothing without it. I just duno what it is. I am afraid of myself that things that i am constantly doing is gonna destroy myself. I think i need to be balanced between the two different world that i frequently let myself in.I need to be more careful not to hurt/destroy myself. Or anyone that i know,not physical but mentally perhaps.With what i've been into then n now,with hym-hys existence that i let myself to be in denial back in my head,that just makes me feel happy,secure n whole.Im not crazy,just a little insane. My life isnt incomplete. To: Starkyy Abberton, J'appertiens a vous seulement. Cuya jamais marcher loin de moi n'importe ce qu'il prend. Vous ne sais pas combien vous voulez dire pour moi. Si seulement vous savait que j'arrends jusqu'a u plus qu'un ex amoureux. Mon amour pour vous est aussi vaste que le mende. Son ur yeux que je vois trie amour. My soul searching hunt continues... Labels: i am for unreal 10:33 PM |
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