i love gays!

2010-09-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

Its been soo long that i have not update nor post anything in my blog. *Sigh*

Things are still the same for me. Nothing much nothing less.

There are still things that never fails to interrupt my mind. For some reasons that I can't stop thinking or leave the past behind.

Sometimes I can't deny that whenever my foolishness takes over to control me,things do get aweful between me and people around me. Hmmm... Do I really have low self-esteem?

I don't know till when these trouble would even stop.

My life.. It always about the stuck up people trying to ruin my life,my days n my mood

of course. At times I sit and wonder why do I care so much thingking about the things that

I don't understand. Sadly I can't even let out or share my troubles to any of my close friends n boyfriend. Telling and sharing my troubles to them at times I learnt that it doesn't help. Thats when I learn to realize that certain troubles/problems that I got can't be shared with anyone. Not even a single soul. Sadness right?

Is it me or is it just the individual?

I will stand tough as long as I can. I will fight these shits and prove them wrong that they should have taken me seriously and not as a joke. Especially to one person or two. I will prove too them that I can be par with them.

*I may not have the nice perfect picture like anyone else but I know that I have nice perfect cutting picture of my heart.*

2010-05-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

So,there's this person who i know,barely even neo how to be precise. For somebody,this person is like a pearl to her. She thinks that her world revolves only about her "honeymoon period" days with that someone. Little that she knew,she dont even know what were she thinking and also doesnt even know what she is doing.
Blinded with love,i guess. Puppy love is always like that anw.

And her "darling boyfriend" on the other hand,he thought that he could turn her to someone bad. When actually,he is just a little immature *gabmucs* hu he thinks he could control her. [Get real kiddo!] He dusnt neo that hys face really giving an eyesore signal to people around hym.

Haiz.. What can i say about this two lovebirds that are just starting to let their love unfurl. Hmmmmmm.....
Happy Puppy Love Days!

2010-04-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

So here i am.. Blogging at last! Heh. Its 4 more days to Bali!! Yeahyeah!! =D Tomorrow celebrating my bf's dad birthday. Hurhur. I am sooo soooo nervous actually.

Somehow,i realize that some things are better left unsaid. More or less,just keep things to myself. At times i wonder if i am actually at the right path of life. I dont know myself at times. Most of the time i have to always remind myself that this is me n this is what i am. Nobody could change me.

I used to think that i have the answers to everything but now i know that life doesnt always go my way.

Well,along the way i am learning and exploring the meaning of loving myself n loving others. I am comfortable with what i have now. Just blessed not elated.

Here's what im feeling right now for a fact:

"There are worse thing i could do.. Than go with a boy or two..
Even though the neighborhood thinks im trashy and no good..
I supposed it could be true.. But there are worse things i could do..
I could flirt with all the guys..Smile at them and bat my eyes..
Press against them when we dance.. Make them think they stand a chance..
Then refuse to see it through.. Thats a thing i'd never do..
I could stay home every night.. Wait around for Mr Right..
Take cold showers every day.. And throw my life away..
On a dream that wont come true..
I could hurt someone like me... Out of spike or jealousy..
I dont steal and dont lie.. But i can feel and i can cry..
A fact that i'll bet u never knew.. But to cry infront of you,thats the worst thing i could do... "

You may or may not understand. But this songs reflects my mood and emotions now.

2010-04-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

Its been so long i didnt update my blog. Hurhur. Been very busy with my daily routines.
As i look back with my life,i do notice that alot of things has change. Be it me n my surroundings.

I realize that i am missing my quarter half most of the time. I cant stop thingking about them.
Wonder what/how they have been up to. Haiz. I cant hide myself any longer that i am actually missing them.

My girl/guyfriends that never gives up on me and never stop to be my shelter. Haiz. I know that i have been busy meddling with my own life with my family and loved ones. What to do. This month is very busy month fer me. Hurhur. I hope someday my guy/girlfriends understand that i have no intentions of not catching things up with them.

Someday,i will make it up to them. For all the times that they have been asking me out but i would always have plans the same day. Haiz.

Imissyouguyseffingmuch.

With Love,
Sri Murny.

2010-04-04T05:04:00.000-07:00

Pls just get out frem my mind....

Urggghhhh.........

She is not suppossed to be in my mynd.

N no,its not about winning.

Why am i obsessed with you for??

Why am i even bother about u and my bf when

you and hym are just case of the ex.

Haiz.. I need help here.

2010-03-18T04:54:00.000-07:00

Im gonna have pms n headache soon.. Especially on sat. Hurhur.
Gonna shop fer Bali Getaways. And i am sooo not sure what im gonna shop this sat.
Hurhurr. Saturday would be a looooonnnnnggggg day fer me.
Hurhur.. Anw,six more weeks to BALI!!
Yeayeah!!! Huhuhu!!

Kawan-kawan!!! Sape yg sudi nak antar pat airport,silakan ye. Hehehehe.
Tmr Eng class.. Yeayeah!! Can meet my new bff,Joanne.
I Loooveee English class! =] Fer some reasons,its very "exciting".
Lol! Shikin!! Rina!!! Aku nak g sentosa ngn korg lah.... =[
Hahahah!!

Actually i have nth else to blog about lah...
Dah boring uhs with blogger... Haiz....
Il post again soon when i have an exciting dayout n also when i have e time.
I am very very very a busy person now. Gagagaga!! =]

Boyfriend!!!! I dont wanna bring any luggage!!!!!!

2010-03-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

Haloi!! Its been soo long i din bother to update my blog. Hahaha. Its pretty obvious that

im lazy to update. Heh. Anw,i had an awesome outing with my girlfriends. Just santai'ing

at the beach under the hot sun. Heheheh. It was awefully fun!

My day with em could never go wrong. Hahahas. Never! LOL! Anw,these outing took place last saturday. Heh. It was fun lah. Cycling,smoking,catch things up,"story telling" and fool around with the lighter. LOL!!

Its great to see them again. Now,im trying to meet up with my secondary sec girlfriends!!

Like seriously,i miss them!! Everybody seems busy with their sch n work. Haiz... Anw,i hope i gotta see or happen to meet them soonnnnn!

Im actually lost of werds about what to blog about. Heh. Just that lately some ups-downs happened. Many things happened lately. Hah. Im busy with babysitting n schooling at night. And of course,my boyfriend.

Hmmm... I may not blog too much about my personal life too much here. Heh. Im just grateful that i am in contact back with a good friend that close n best friend of 6 years. Yeah,people made mistakes. So do i. We'll just have to learn frem there n not to repeat it again. I know that things always doesnt go as it seem or plan but i really hope that we could be like close friends like before.

As im blogging this post,im watching the football match against Singapore and Jordan. N its live telecast. I actually wonder who would bother to watch this match when its soo predictable that Jordan would win this match. Well,im not trying to be biased or unsupportive towards our own country. But hey,isnt this the facts? Anw,i am no football fan. So i rather not keeping on tracks who would win this match. Cos i know that Jordan would win n make their country proud. With Jordan scored 1 goal before even 1 minute of the match,i dun think Singapore could catch up. This are only my opinions lor.

Well,im tuckin in aedy. Tired frem the long day. Im soo looking forward fer this weekend!

*Sorry fer too many pix. Hahaha! We were too happy to "menyundal" in the camera. Hahaha!! Plus,these are the great moments spent with Rina and Kim. My two crazy partner in crime of all times! =]

2010-02-15T04:13:00.000-08:00

Those who i wanna meet:

-Rina

-Shikin

-Eka

-Shersha

-Ayu

-Kim

P/S:Saya rindu korg bangat sih! Sigh.

2010-02-15T04:02:00.000-08:00

12th February 2010.

I spent my bday with my boyfriend. Weee!! He brought me to dine in at Fish n Co.

And then he brought me to Singapore Flyer. Well,actually he wants to keep me in suspense but too bad. I am too smart for hym. Hahahahha!! Too bad bie. LOL!

N i must say that i was touched when he suddenly wished me n kissed my left cheek and

took out a gift frem my bag. And.... I was speechless of course. When i saw the gift box frem 'Mintmark N Co". Its a necklace. Yeahhhh. A necklace. Heh.So on my birthday,there's 4 stops in total. Hehehehe. The last stop was when i kena sabo with my cousins. They threw eggs at me! Fuckin pain sia my back. Hurhur. Aunts,bro,cousins n friends were there. Including my boyfriend. Lucky he nv tag in to throw eggs n flour at me. Heng ah! Hehehe.

I must say that my super sweet 19 "forever" is a splendid memory. I din thought that i would get gifts too. Hehehehe. Those who gave me a gift,thank you soo much. And those who wished me. Thankie you. =]

To:

-Mom and dad fer the perlini silver bracelet

-Boyfriend fer the mintmark n co necklace

-Karina,Etha and Yuyul fer the 2 stalk of roses

-Bebe fer the rose and the tiny bear

-Aszim fer the rose and bear

-Fir fer the love stick

-Twins and dina fer the kiss

(and more or less to come...hehehehe)

And also thank you for the surprised bday bash guys. Especially to mel who organised it fer me. =]

To my boyfriend,thank you fer the dgcam for my advanced bday gift n also this necklace.

Thank you for the treat. Thank you for the flyer. Thank you for everything you did to make my bday goes as planned. Thank you soo much bie.

Ily.

2010-02-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

And so today i am dead tired. Hurhur. I hope i can wake up tomorrow morning.
Urghhh... Tired.. Tired.. Tired.. Lazy.. Lazy.. Lazy...
Haiyah.... If only tomorrow Fks half day or off,would be nice seh.
I would totally enjoy and appreciate my beauty sleep.
Haiz... Someone please trade places with me!!
I wanna have an ample rest.. Sobsob..

Anw though the pit was bland and i was the only girl there. I had fun spending time with my guyfriends. Soul survivor babe! Hohohoho!! Im glad that they somehow at least have faith in me. Huhuhu! =]

My eyes are circled with black rings now. Aiyah... Wana sleep but cannot sleep. Haiz...
Gonna meet my hunn later. Aiyah..... Body sooo sooo tired... Haiz...

I am looking forward fer my bday this friday... Wonder what would my boyfriend surprised me. Though he leaked out some of the details that is no longer a surprise now. Hurhur.
Just wait and see lah hor friday.. *winks*

2010-02-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

Jelly-O!! What am i gonna post tonight? What am i gonna blog about tonight??
Hmmm..Lately i've been busy babysitting and meet my boyfriend.
And thats how my days always have been lately. Hurhur.

Im tired lately with the late texting with my boyfriend.
I havent even start my revisions yet.
Which i must do so by next week. Prolly after my bday. Hahahaha!!
I am thrilled and excited for this upcoming saturday.
Im gonna meet my guyfriends to celebrate bebe's belated n mine advance bday.
Huhuhuhu!
Hopefully the boys wont have any dirty tricks under their sleeves.
Hahahahs!!

Okie dokie.. I wonder hw's rina,shikin and kim have been up to.
Its been sometime we didnt keep in contact.
Gosh... I miss them.
Seriously... I miss them.
Haizzzz......
[wondering....]

Boyfriend..Boyfriend...Boyfriend...
I
Love
You...

Eventually im lost of werds and ideas what to blog about now. Hurhur.
Except for looking forward for Saturday. Hehehe.
Soo...i am just getting ready for the day. =]

2010-02-03T03:17:00.000-08:00

These were the days spent with hym.
Time that flies so fast that i cant n dont even notice each time we're together.
There's time that we cried n laugh out loud.
But still,we make it through.

Its hard to believe that im back with my childhood lover.
I cant believe that i ended up with my dream guy.
A guy that i didnt noticed at first that he got/have what i want in a guy.

Well,though most of my family knows that im with hym.
Daddy arpproves of our rshyp.
Well...he knows hym anw.
Just that when it comes to hys parents.
Im abit skeptical n not ready to meet hys parents though we live very nearby
and i saw hys parents n grams before.
Just that i didnt make a 1st move to smile or even say a "hi".
I need time to get myself ready to meet hys parents lah.

Hmm...This might be shocking to some readers.
Truth is... Me and hym already planning to get engaged.
Well,mommy knows our intentions.
Just,me n hym are still planning and adjusting some of our plans.
Somemore he's still in poly n im yet to start my night classes.

I do get the pressure when he started to talk abt marriage n house n all.
Cos i dont wanna rush things over.
It is ok n i dun mynd talking abt engagements ferst.
Well... We'll see how we goes.
But for sure,we are dead serious about getting engaged. =]

2010-02-02T04:56:00.000-08:00

Jelly o people!! Huhuhu! Its such a long mia. Yeah,i know. Hahhahas.
Okie,currently me and my boyfriend are doing okie.
Its a "stepping stone" for us though there's high and lows on our rshyp.
We'll make it through. =]
Everyday is a learning experience for us.

So yah...N im thrilled plus excited for my class on e 20th feb.
Which is 1 week after my bday. Hurhur.
I wonder if i can do better this time round.

I miss my girlfriends effing much.
I miss them,well for some only ah. Haahahhas!

N its like 2 more mths away to bali trip with my bf n bro all.
So its gonnabe Awesome!!! =]
N its like 1 more week for my bday!!!
Yayyy!!!!! =]

More roses for me this year please. =]

2010-01-16T01:32:00.000-08:00

Like a sommmmmmeeee-boooooody!!! LOL!
Im feeling super estatic today. Hahahaha! Well,im not quite sure why im feeling super estatic plus other mixed feelings that im having now. Hahahah!!

I am sooo thrilled,looking forward n hopefully 'excited' for my classes by nxt mth. Yeah...
Like some of you might say "Ahhh!!! At last budak ni masok skolah alek!". Hahahaha! Well.. Too bad,i am only retaking my N's n not by continue my education to ITE. Hurhur!
And i am egg cited to meet my new "alien friends" there. Took 4 subjects in 3 different places. Heh. Lucky got 'transport' n also escort by my boyfriend. Wakakakakaka!! (Damn you karina tetek!) My aim is to do better and make my lovable aunt n uncle proud in me. There are the ones who believes that i can do this. They have faith in me. Unlike my OWN parents n some other people. Mamacah,i love you forEVER! Nina Karina Tetek,you can go to hell ok! Bilang abg wan baru tau!

Last words:I miss my girlfriends effing loads!

To Karina Kanina:If You're Not Down With It.....
I Got Two Words For Ya.......
Suck.... It!!!!.....

PS:This is just for entertainment. Karina kanina tetek,pls dun take this seriously. Love you babysirrrr-lutt! Heheheh!

2010-01-11T03:10:00.000-08:00

Okie... Its been such a long mia. Loads of stucked up things happened. N im
fucking sure its gonna be a bore to me as soon as these shitties people
wont n cant stop minding their own business.

Well,i am adamant n admit that i was the fuckin third party. But! At the very least,i wasnt behaving like a total desperate whore sia. I know my
limits okay. Infact,if i was really the cause of the break up. It wasnt
really my fault n to get the blame. Because,it takes two hands to clap.
Its pretty obvious that he loves me now. N also,same apply to me. The feelings just sparkles back. So,what?

You can call me anything you want. I SIMPLY DONT GIVE A FUCK!
You want me to stop look you up as somebody. Thats fine. I mean im cool with it. So what if she'e ur friend? As if i care. Look,i may be the 3rd
party. But i was not the reason why he split with her ok.

Why stucked up "pee poll" love to get involved when they themself claimed
they doesnt want to get involve. Stoopid. I am happy with hym alright.
This is what i want. This is my happiness. But why some ignorant "matured"
people like to come into the picture n said smth that i dont wanna hear.
I got some of the votes of being in a rshyp with hym. N i dont get most of
the votes from pee poll hu thought they understand the situation. When
they know nuts.

I am tired from keeping a low profile rshyp with hym. I am tired from
running away from these fucking pee poll that makes me feel soo awefully
guilty. I am tired from defending myself n hym to those people. I am just
tired from everything. I wont give up this rshyp. I wont do it just to
prove some pee poll that i am the one really at fault n should be getting
the blame.

Apart from this awefully arguements that had been happening throught text
and from her stoopid lame ugliest facial expression. I am soo looking
forward for Bali getaway. At least,i wont be seeing her face. Plus annoying
comments or opinions from those pee poll. At least i'll get some new fresh
air to breath. And spending mpre tyme with hym and the rest of the "superheroes" clan. Gagagaga!

As for my trip to Paris n Switzerland. There would be 50/50 chances that
im going. D E P E N D S .

*So stucked ahp pee poll. Pls get a life. Especially *her. I think it would
be nice and really worth it to get my boyfriend to pull out hys bolt zack
and smack across her face. I am happy with hym. Pls understand that we are
already together and i wont end this rshyp just bcause you pee poll hate
to see me together with hym. CREEPY PEE POLL!

2009-12-31T11:02:00.000-08:00

Hella 2010! So i spend my new year celebration with couple of sec sch mates of mine.
We guys met up at 9pm n so we go as what we planned.
Huhuhu!

Though it was effing slow for the time to tick by. Slowly,darkness fall. Thats when i
know its time for me to wash up n get dressed n get lost frm the house to enjoy my day.
As usual,this outing was a random outing with no sense of directions. LOL!

And as for new year resolution for me this year. Im not gonna have a list of new year
resolution. It doesnt work on me anymore. I still rmbr that evry new year,i would anxiously took out a piece of a paper or even my diary to list dwn what i wanna do or aim
for the new year. Sadly and unsurprisingly,none of the list that i jotted down din even make it. Hah. So this year,there wont be any resolution for me. I rather let it go with
the flow and learn frem recent mistakes made.

Too bad lah kan for me that i CANT celebrate my new year with someone. Hurhur. What
to do. My bad. LOL! Nemind,as long he's happy celebrating hys new year. Heh. I cnt say
much anw. He has hys own life to lead anw. As long as he's happy n safe. Thats all that
matters to me. =]

Pssst,i do have at least one resolution for this year though:To be more cunning,ignorant n snobbish slut for quite a long run
this year. Hahahahas.Kidding! ;]

2009-12-31T04:36:00.000-08:00

Idk y it should be hurting this way. How come he act like just he dusnt care at all. Does he expect me to believe i was the only one to fall. I could feel hym near me though he's far
away. Its not supposed to feel this way. I need hym more n more each day. Tell me,are you and me still together? Tell me,you think we could last forever?
Tell me...Why.. Just listen to what we're not saying. Try.. To look at me and really see my heart. Do you expect me to believe that im gonna let us fall apart? So go on and think whatever you need to think about. And come back when you know just how you feel. Cos i wanna know. Wanna know who you are.Wanna know where to start.I wanna know what this means.Wanna know how you feel.Wanna know what is real.
I wanna know everything and anything.

Being in the wrong place in a situation is not what i wanted. Im confused. At the same time
i like the way things have been going on. Though there's some bitter sweet happening.

Sorry,i like hym. And i want hym.

2009-12-30T08:26:00.000-08:00

I know that the things i did lately were abit out of hand because of my selfishness.
I know that these aint right.
I know that im being cruel n unfair.
To those people around me.
I know that i can be soo wrong here.
In this situation.

But i cnt help it.
I just cnt.
I started this. Im the one hu started this.
I may not or may know whats the outcome gonna be.
But i am naively thinking that everything is gonna be alright.
Ill see better days.

Of course,i prolly gonna break some hearts soon.
Or worst,prolly mine.
I cn never tell.
Be it,any hearts that gonna be shattered into pieces(maebbe mine??).
I din mean to start the fire.
I dun mean this to happens.
The feelings are just there n it sparkles again.

Even as for myself,i cnt believe that im actually doing this.
Im sorry.
But he means smth to me.

At times i do feel sorry for myself.
But at times i dont.
Today evrything is alright.
I look at it this way:It cant ever be as bad as it was then.

Anw,since its been some time i din update about my days. Heh. Lets just throw it out here alright. Hah.

27th Dec 09,Sunday.

Went out to JP with mamacah's family after a day of emotional the day before.
Really emotional. But touching.
We love each other.
Mamacah,i will always love you!!!!

Then.....

Went out with bro n other 2. Surveying vans. Hahas. Thrilling n fun joy ride with hym.
Hahahahaha!! Blasting Sunday i had. Hohohoho!! =]

28th Dec 09,Monday.

Cnt rmbr what i did besides got wasted n got home til 1 or 2am??

30th Dec 09,Tuesday.

Same thing also. Cnt rmbr what the hell i did besides got wasted again till late hour. Heh.

30st Dec 09,Wednesday.

Went JP with babybitches n the twins. Bought lessy's books n stationary while i survey
some books n storie books. Damn hard to find a good assesment book. Hurhur.

Then.....

Got wasted with hym n bro ol. Well,they were busy plannin n cracking their heads all
out to find a rental vans n cars. While i was busy keeping my time playing games on hys iphone. Heh. Thats what i usually do when i got wasted. Games. Games. Games. Iphone. Iphone. Iphone.Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Heh.

Well,i do have a "rocking late nights" lately.
Heh. What to do. Sometimes when you like smth u do.
You just keep on wasting ur time on it.

Where i should get lost tomorrow??

2009-12-26T05:20:00.000-08:00

If i can stop one heart from breaking,i shall not live in vain.
If i can ease one life of the aching,or cool the pain.
Or help one fainting robin unto his nest again.
I shall not live in vain.

There isnt much that i can do,
But i can share an hour with you,
And i can share a silly lame jokes of mine with you..
As on our way we go.

I shall not see you in the situation that you put yourself in again.
I shall not see you feeling down that just eats you up inside.
I shall not let you do the things that just not you.
I shall n will be there for you whenever you need me to...

He may not noe that it does breaks my heart seeing hym reacted like someone he's not.
Well,i wish i could at least give hym a hug to comfort hym last night.
But i just dont know what i should do. I just cant react like how it should be done.
While he keeps on takes a puff,i looked at hym. Though he may or may not be aware of that.
Somehow i know that he's about to cry. N thats when my heart start to breaks slowly.
But my mind just went blank. Total blankness.
He started to talk about it. I listened carefully,paying alot of attention. Trying to understand the
whole picture why and what turned hym into this way.
I listen. I gave hym my views. Still with a broken heart though.

I cant forget the way he reacted last night. I hope he means it when he said he's moving on.
I shall see if i can really depends on hys werds or what not. I just doesnt wanna see hym in that
situation again. Especially behaving like someone he's not. I noe its easier said than done. But i hope he would at least try to learn to look things at different angle now. N dun get me wrong here. He's just a close friend of mine. Not someone special alright.

"Reality isnt the way you wish things to be,nor the way they appear to be,
but the way they actually are."

2009-12-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

Hello yelllow faggots!! Hahahaha!! Today,had a picnic with family at Changi. Had lots of great stuffs happening though there are things that makes nina pissed off. Hah. Fks's family din tag along but still,one of the SS's family tag us along. She always forget to return my fucking clothes!

N yes,at last!! I got to ride a bicycle!! Cycling,racing n catching up like macam paham till my ass n thighs are acheing now. Boo hoo me. Hurhur. My babyboy came this time round. =] He and hys silly aweful crazy dance moves. Not fair is that he is my cousin brother. Fuck that! And also,sis(babybitch hardcore to the max) tagged us along. Hahahaha!! If only my "best friend" dropby for awhile would be nice seh. It would be a total defenitely that she would just fuck off from the picnic and get lost than seeing my "best friend" face. Wakakaka!!

While im busy trying to burn my fats in my thighs cycling with anader 6 lost kids to and fro from two different directions. I realize that my bro n my babyboy have been having a nice day chatting with one anader. As if they were like having a date or some kind of meeting perhaps. Hurhur.

After all,i had my fun getting the aches frem cycling. At the same time,i pity nina n andy of course. I mean i totally could understand how they would/should have felt just now. Will there be anader get together picnic or what not again after what had happened just now?
I guess,*she had manupilated things so that she could get what she wants. Its crystal clear that she is just using this day as an opportunity for her to carry out her plans. Hmmm. Sadness.

2009-12-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

Ferst off all,i think i am starting to fall for someone uhs. But urmm,i think this feeling is just an infatuation only. Hmm. Idk y when this person talks about a topic that doesnt seem to interest me. I just put on a deaf ears n simply ignore it. At times,i cant handle with hys arrogance. Its soo soo annoying. Hah. This person is unpredictable plus he is well organised with the things he do. Well,too many plus points given to hym wont make any difference that he too has hys flaws n weakness like some other guys. Y isit that i get nervous whenever he's around. I cant tell if im falling in love again. This feeling is soo unfamiliar to me that i myself cnt describe through words. N yes,at times i am afraid of hym. Hah. Idk y. Whatever that im feeling now. I hope my insticts are right that these is all an infatuation. He may make me feel out of place but still,i do still can find comfort there. With hys presence. He may make me feel weird but still,he does make the surroundings alive. He may make me clapping with one hand but still,he does make me smile. So,what now? Well.. Just count e days n see what happens? Slowly.. Il get over this feelings and see bright days ahead. =]

*I may fall in love alot of times with the wrong guys but
i love 1 guy that makes me feel being loved n in love with. *

2009-12-24T04:25:00.000-08:00

Hello there!! Wow! Its been quite sometime now that i din update my blog.

Hah. Last night went to Aszim's Bday pit. Sadness,i din get to overnight n get wasted

with them. Hurhur. Anw,cibai boy... Happy birthday! Sorry hor din get to celebreate yr

bday with the rest of them. It was really my bad. Hah.

So,my abg syg(ehem-ehem) picked me up. Well... The "twins" tagged along too.

N my bro played a little fuckin stoopid joke on me by scaring me that my

daddy is picking me up with them. Little that i neo was,they were using my dad's car

to pick me up. Babi die play that stoopid joke on me. N the "twins" just play along.

Scaring me! Fucked.

Soon after they picked us up. We grab a bite at Ecp there. N then my bro suggested

we go Mount Faber to hang out. Jeng! Jeng! Jeng! Cos it was almost 12am for

Mistery Jam 12. Woohoo! We stopby at a petrol station cos i need to buy a cigy n need to

pee. Well,i wish i could be at the counter person! She is sooo soo unfriendly! Okie,

after peeing,went back to car. I accidentally knocked my head. Hurhur.

N all i got was LAUGH from them! Hmph! So we went to Mount Faber and hang out in the car while listening to MJ 12. My heart beat so fast sia. 1st time listening to MJ12 with a

loud volume in the car. So,all i do there is sit in the car,went out for a smoke n etc.

By then it was aledy 1plus in the morning. N since the "twins" have to work morning shift.

Me n my bro have the last stick before went off. Reached home almost at 2am. Wow!

Overall,i have an awesome great day last night!

No regrets. =]

2009-12-17T04:25:00.000-08:00

1. I want a tiffany n co bracelet.

2.I am missing my guy/girlfriends.

3.I am skeptical to shop at KL.

4.Im lazy to pack my stuffs.

5.Idk who i should go with to collect my passport tmr.

6.I am sleepy n tired.

7.I am hungry.

8.I am not egg'cited like the days before about KL trip.

9.I cant wait for MONDAY.

10.I am sooo unpredictable.

2009-12-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

Its saddening to witness the things that you dont wanna know or see.
Its saddening that what you could have forever just blew out just like that.
Its saddening that there's no more "happyness" in someone or some people's eyes.
Its just so saddening that the things you care,yearn and precious to you,you could just lose them anytime.

What can i say. Human beings... They are soo predictable. Yes,they do. Sigh. Some are defiantly enough to see and refuse to see that they are the ones should take the blame and not the innocently ones. Those naive selfishness people are just to blind that the more they enjoy themselfes without limits. The more price he/she have to pay.

Sigh. I hope what I've learnt today won't happen to me. Well,at least i could take that as a lesson learnt. Right?

Apart frem today's "event". I wanna bitch-talk about 1 irritating,annoying,stucked-up mtf and also 1 asshole. I am soo super extremely annoyed with this asshole fer a few reasons. I mean who on earth can deal with a guy who is hot-tempered,annoying and also loves to pick up a fight with you with hys wild accusations when he doesn't really know you and so are you. Do you people get it? Have you people ever come across with these such of ugly creatures?? No offense. Heh. Its kindda irritating sia when most of the time you gotta put up with hys childish ways. I do think somehow that he has such unhappy childhood that explains why he is acting like one motherfucker. Heh. I am lucky enough that I manage to screw hym out with my vulgar werds before I kick hym out frem my life. Childish mtf.

Im left with 2 more days before my KL trip. Wooo'hooo!! Well,it might be a short get-away but Im not gonna waste this chance to spend more time on myself and pamper myself with shopping. Heh. Its gonna be a rockin weekends. =]

*Those pix are just soo effing ugly.. Its soo Ridiculous! And... What are you wearing?? Omg.......

2009-12-13T05:12:00.000-08:00

Hello! Hello! =] Its very boring weekend this week i must say. But.... Well.. Lucky i got both annoying parents n my x boifey that makes my day perfectly well.. Hahahaa! Okieokie.. Its been quite some time now that i din upload my pix n some extras people in my bloggie... Hmm... Wonder when will im gonna upload em.. Heh..

Okie... Im gg to have a rockin week n weekends this week besides babysitting my babyboy.. Thursday,gonna collect my passport(finally!!!). Friday night go to KL till Sunday.. The next mon gg out with kim n rushdy.. YAAAHHHHOOOOOO!!! =]
Gonna shop shop n shop!! Yayy yayy!! =]

Pssst.... It makes me laugh out loud while looking through some people's pix... Bahahaha!!! I mean.. Really funny sia... Heh...

2009-12-12T02:29:00.000-08:00

He is my next obsession!

Gagagagaga!!

Gotta find someone like this guy.

Woots!

Hys face reminds me of someone but i just cant find

anyone to match with hys looks.

I mean seriously,he look like someone i know.

But urmmm,i just cnt tell who.

LOL!

Hmm,so far evrything goes so smoothly now.

Just my irrid cough.

I miss my girlfriends though.

I miss the good times that we often acted stoopid n lame most of the times.

I miss them effing much.

Looking bck at my life,i do have bunchful of dependents friends.

Anw,im super egg'cited for next week.

Going KL on e 19th.

N den,21st dec insyallah gg out w my bebe n kim.

Car outing lah kan.

I can shop!!

=]]

Apart from this egg'citement,i am countin dwn the days fer 2011.

I am soo looking forward for 2011. =]

Not because im turning 20. LOL!

By next year,there would be no shopping for me.

No more spending more than 300 bucks every mth.

Hurhur.

Hmm,idk y when im not blogging there's alot of things in my mind n chest that i think i need to let it out here. But when im blogging now,there's nth that i could blog about besides incidents that makes me happy or what not.

Im out of thoughts aedy.

Lost of werds.

So i think this would be enough for today.

*Do not fall in love with what a person can do for you,

fall in love with who they are.

2009-12-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

You will,you wont.

You do,you dont.

You were saying you will but you know you wont.

You say you might.

Your chest gets tight.

You say you love day but you come out at night.

While your thinking,thinking,thinking up a storm in you.

All the things your thinking are they

FALSE are they TRUE.

You know the dipsydoodle rag,it tells no lie.

But all the time your thinking,well your tricking ur mind.

Well,the devil's standing tall on the top of the hill.

Pointing down hys fork and betraying your will.

You gotta make decision whether old or new.

Then God comes frem heaven n he'll say to you.

You will you wont.

You do you dont.

Well,ive tried so hard.

Ive tried so hard.

To make it right.

Im gonna bury my thoughts n forget all my worries tonight.

*I AM NOT GONNA TURN BACK TIME NOW.

I wont look back.

And i think i know what i really wants this time.

Which is not to be with you.

2009-12-08T06:18:00.000-08:00

nice supper w someone last night.

Met hym at 8.30pm.

Were set off ready to go.

He said "are you ready to fly?"

I said,"yes,i am".

With my grinning smile that i hid my face bhind his broad shoulder.

He speed off without a warning.

And so,i gotta hugged hym tightly.

Ohh yah,of course i try not to be obvious that i hugged hym tightly.
Very paiseh liao.

But well,my hands ended up in both of hys pockets.

(Shouldnt have wore sleeveless last night!)

Damn cold!

Arrived at the place.

Ordered some food.

N chatted abit.

It was very beautiful night.

At a very romantic place.

Wasnt myself but managed to pull everything together.

Done with our supper.

We went fer a walk at the park nearby slowly.
Just enjoying the night cold breeze with hym.

We walked slowly towards hys bike.
He was talking,mumbling away,i guess.

But I didnt paty any attention cos i was busy finding a hairband!

Hurhur!

Exchanged our helmets.

But still dusnt fit my head!

Hurhur!

(Guys...pls buy S size helmet fer me if u want to take me out fer a date. Wee!)

He started hys engine.

While i was still busy finding a hairband on the road.

Again,i tucked my hands in hys pockets.
Nowhere else i cn tuck mu hands at besides hys pockets. LOL!

I was shivering like hell.
Before we set off.

Again he asked, 'are you ready to fly?'

I said,'whenever you are ready.'

N smile.

We went off.

Got abit closer to hym but not that close cos i felt cold lah kan.

Doesnt want hym to have any 2nd thoughts about me.

Heh.

He sent me home.

But i didnt go home after that.

Hang around at the carpark with hym n our friend n my neighbour.

N also waited fer my bro.

Got wasted with them till 2am.

N there i was,walking away frem hym.

From the very beautiful night.

From the very charming lad.

Woots!

We are just friends alright.Not more than that.
But,i once have a crush on hym. LOL! SSSssssshhhhHHHHH!

What happened last night was just once in the blue moon.

Yeah!

Anw,sry fer not being in details.

2009-12-03T07:13:00.000-08:00

1.Im in love with flowers.

2.Never judge me.

3.Im irresponsible.

4.Im fickled minded.

5.Im forgetful.

6.Loves cb boys,babybitches,cousins gays,aunties n girlfriends.

7.Never take things at my own strike.

8.Im slow n blurr queen.

9.I love red.

10.I hate the things thar are so plainly common.

11.I hate crowds.

12.Im insecure about myself.

13.Im stuck with mental breakdown.

14.Always got into trouble.

15.I hate boys in blue.

16.Im attracted to gays.

17.I fall in love with laid back guy.

18.Never keep smth in my possession fer long period of time.

19.Im fussy.

20.Im just a little weird at times*

2009-12-03T06:11:00.000-08:00

So last night saya crash over at Mamacah's house.
Hurhur! Gerek pah! Lol!
As usual,camwhore with my babybitches to spark out the night.
Fer awhile,my childish attitude brings out the best in me.
Wakakakaaka!!

At least fer now,i am happy with myself n the days went by.
No longer staying at the hellish house.
No longer sleeping in my comfy bed.
No longer have to see those prozzie girl face.
No longer hearing irritating dogs barking.
No longer have to scream my lungs out.
But....I still hold the G R U D G E S !
Anw,its saddening sia i got to slp in my comfy bed fer only 1 night!
Right after i decorate my wall with some pix n amin's pix bside my bed.
Macam sial. *annoyed*

As fer the freakin incident that i almost burnt dwn e house and the arguements
between the old n young bitch.
I have no choice but to be thick skinned n crash over at gram's n aunties house.
Hurhur.
I miss my bed sia.
Well,i must say that those incident did brought me dwn n eats me up inside.
Hurhur.
But i am happy with how i lead my life now.
*wide smile*

Jyeah!

I am thinking of meeting amin.
But urm...Dus he wanna meet me?
Hurhur.
I miss hym lah seh.
Haiyayayaya.

I cnt deny that im annoyed with some guys hu trying to make a pass at me
when i am not interested.
Why would i be anw?
Annoying sia.
No point texting me sugarsugar werds thinking that i would be easily taken in by those
rubbish sweet talks.
Hmph!
Sweet talks dun win me over.
I am only interested in Starkyy Abberton.
Heh.

Im out of topic now actually.
Ohh yah..
Cik Shikin Ku syg!!
I hope this post would bring bck the bitchy posts.
Wakakakaka!!
Hahahaha!!

Anw my cb boys...
I want tiffany n co bracelet fer my bday kay.
With additional,a bouquet of roses.
Apit!! I dun want the river island watch hor.
Thanks!! *cheeky smile*
As fer my girlfriends..
I want...
Urm.....
Ahhhh!!!
I want Chace Crawford plus Jude Law plus Starkyy Abberton!
Thanks girlfriends!
As fer my babybitches..
Kak Mei nak...
Urm...
Ahhh!!
Kak Mei nk mini dolls,yang macam kak mei belikan utk lessy tu.
Thanks bitches!
As fer my aunts...
Cancel the bday party n i want a dgcam.
Mamacah,take note hor.
Plan ngn mak smue n buy me dgcam kay.
Must surprise me tau!
Heh.
Thanks mamacah! *cheeky smike*
Though my bday is 2 more mths away.
I am feeling "the vibe".
Wakakakaka!!
Take note kay people.
*big wide smile*

2009-12-01T00:21:00.000-08:00

And so today is anader day of my bad day.

Well,like i said before.

There's just so many mtfuckers in my life.

That i am too lazy enuf to name a few.

But its okie.

They can treat me like a piece of dirt.

I myself dont give a merde!

Because i knw that they are the ones that full of MERDE!

To the old bitch.

Stop pretending uhs.

You will never become Mak.

Never!

You should neo by now that i still hold grudges on u mtf.

You can never be Mak.

You are not her.

N she is not you!

She is much much more understanding than you!

Get this straight motherFUCKER.

I LOVE MAK MORE THAN I LOVE YOU!

SHE MEAN TWICE MEANINGFUL THAN TOU!

SHE MEANS ALOT TO ME!

N NOT YOU!!

YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!

YOU ARE THE PIECE OF DIRT!

OLD TORN RAG.

To the cheap whore.

YOU ARE SELFISH IGNORANT CHILDSH IMMATURE BRAGGING SLUT!

You once said that i should look myself in e mirror.

Now hear me out kay cheap slut.

When i look up in the mirror,its not me i see.

But a reflection of u.

N 1 day,ill be just like you.

1 cheap whore hu thinks she's soo pretty n boast abt herself.

To:Starkyy Abberton.

I am not strong.

You can never know what i went through now n then.

Haiz.

I miss you soo much.

Soo much that i decorate my room with ur pix beside my bed.

Hurhur.

When The Damsel In Distress...

2009-11-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

These sec sch mates of mine save the damsel in distress.

N of cos,im the damsel there.

Wakakakaka!!

U neo..im the apple of their eyes..

So,they'll do whatever i want em to do.

But not whatever i want em to do lah kan.

N yes,often il get bullied by them!

Because!

I got pentium 1.

Guys...i got it right this time hor..

P E N T I U M.

So saya today,met Faizal n my cb boys.

Woots!

Wasnt having a good time but then manage to pull everything through.

Yeahyeah.

Today people...

I got some people in my life back.

Hohohoho!

But..

Just wait fer some couple of days..

They'll start to vanish.

I am soo soo tired n sleepy now.

Hurhur.

So,those motherfuckers just stay out my life alright?

I wont let u mess up my life again hor.

mother what?motherFUCKER!

2009-11-26T23:51:00.000-08:00

YES,MY MOM IS A MOTHERFUCKER PEOPLE.

REMEMBER THAT HOR.

SH'E'S ONE BIG MOTHERFUCKER.

SHE'S 1 UGLY BITCH.

So what if u people hu read these post n angry w me?

Well,all i gotta say is.

FUCK YOU!

So what if u say to me,

"hey...you cannot say like that u neo..its not nice..very rude..she's ur mother after all."

Yes,she is my mother.

But can i just put anader werd after "mother" which is "fucker"?

Yeah,i simply have some stupid n fuckers people in my life.

Memang macam sial.

Sial tersangat-sangat.

Ader bodoh..

Ader sial..

Ader perangai anjing...

Ader musibat..

Ader mcm pukimak..

Ader macam cibai...

Ader tak gune langsong...

These kind of people kan are the people that i have in my life.

Just wait n c kay u all motherfuckers.

Dun u fuckers expect/want me to join ur stupid "family gatherings".

Eeeww,fer once,the thoughts of the family gatherings make me puke.

I dont need u all motherfucker to be by my side.

I regret change myself fer these annoying people.

I used to have my own life.

I used to get high w drugs n alcohol.

Got wasted.

Got home late at night.

At times,i din even come home.

That was soo fun sia.

Noone to control my life.

No dogs barking.

But nevermind...time will bring me back to hu i was before.

Time will bring me back to my old ways..

Only time that would change me.

So to all my family hu's acting like 1 big motherfucker!

I dun need u or u guys ANYMORE.

So,FUCK OFF!

good day is coming through.

2009-11-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

So today was abit better day for me.
I manage to be myself again cos today was hectic day fer me.
Went to my pri sch accompanied by mel,icak,tetek n my babyboy fer lessy's result.
That lessy passed her PSLE result.(apa mau amek PSLE result agy beb,time lambat oiii)

Otw back,bumped to Suhaimi.
Twins's n mel's fwen.
Well,we never talk before just through text.
N then...fer e 1st time ever lah kan.
Member smile to me sooooo WIDELY before we go our different paths.
N then he texted in.
"Hey,,you look so beautiful just now".
Wow!
1st compliment i had fer the day.
LOL!
Is that a way to start a conversation,guys??

After that,went to posb to deposit 2K,which is THICK!
If only i have 2K everyday separated in my KS wallet n Guess wallet,woots!
I'll definitely shop,shop,shop. Eat,eat,eat. Movies,movies,movies. Got wasted,wasted n wasted.
Life would be shiining brightly fer me. Hell yeah!
Cut my fringe again-fer FREE!
N not e fringe in this pix u saw here. This was taken before my free haircut.
*winks*
N saya look better with this proper trimmed free haircut.
LOL.

N then met Mr Peterparker.
He's sooo soo looking hot sia just now while waiting fer me.
He sat at hys bike with hys shades. WOW!
He came by,talked abit w hym while mak was studying us frem gram's kitchen.
Gave hym hys gift n hugged hym gdbye.
He gotta rush u see,member going to Malacca.
I kirim hym bubble gum,which i neo i cn do better than just ask hym to kirim me a bubblegum.
Just what was i thinking??
Too blown away by hys "hotness"???
Nahhhh,just a lame request to spark things alive.
Suppossed to meet hym last night but he have balls game or wadever that he's stucked in.
Its gd thing that i din meet hym last night or we'll end up not talkin to each other.
It would totally waste both of our tyme. Heh.

Then went down with babyboy.
Just the two of us.
I mean a "mommy n babyboy' quality time.
I can be a very good mommy in future huh.
LOL!
It was fun though.
He learnt how to cover hys face when the heat is too strong.
He'll cover my face when i say 'Fahim..ibu hot.."
Thoughtful eh budak kecik tu.

After that went to Pondok Bapok.
Got wasted there with wan,mel,iz n abg nizam.
Being e only girl,all i can hear the boys gossips about:
-Balls
-Ns
-Girls
-Bike
-N random lame topic
N no,i dun get the attention frem e guys eh people.
Im not one attention seeker bee'yotch anw.

N gonna be in e road w daddy n mommy later.
Yesssahhh!
Can try/learn how to drive(macam pah!)
If daddy gives me e green light fer damaging hys car,y not right.
Heh.

I think i need to be busy with myself like today's hectic schedule.
So that i wont be pulled in my fantasy werl.
Really,this way really helps.
I din throw myself in the position that i am trying hard to stay away.
Go away fantasy..
I wanna face the reality bravely.
N i know that i can feel secure with hym in the reality basis.
Not in my fantasy.
But still,i am still trying to find that missing piece.

Am i happier without you,
are you unhappier without me?

Dun Try To Understand Me When You Cant.

2009-11-25T05:27:00.000-08:00

I can’t tell you who I am now.

I don’t know anymore.

I can’t find the voice to say about me now.

Who I was then and now.

I used to know my rose.

I used to count its colours.

Pick up its fallen petals.

And compare them to the flowers.

But now my rose grew thorns.

And now its petals are black.

They tackle and pierce me all around.

And stab me in my back.

I used to love the sun.

I used to crave its light.

Sensing its arms around me.

Hugging me, ‘til I was out of its sight.

But now the sun upsets me.

And now I crave the night.

Waiting until the the end of the day.

That would make me feel alright.

I used to enjoy going out.

I used to always participate.

Invariably living life.

And leaving the rest to fate.

But now fate is against me.

And now I’m paying the price.

Thoughts of pain and unpleasantness.

Never thinking what’s nice.

I used to always fit in.

I used to always talk.

Constantly racing vitality.

And never stopping to walk.

But now I always give up.

And now I don’t know to race.

Always being the misfit.

The one who hides her face.

So if you ask me who I am.

And my reply is obsecure.

Don’t think about its meaning.

It’s better to leave it unsure.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Im seeing another option.

Finding a way to rediscover myself again.

I dun think its wrong fer me if i start to withdrawn myself frem others.

And also,giving up on something that im dedicated to is heartbreaking.

Thats the only way that i think i would be happy n also make things better.

Be it for myself or my family.

As fer my "real n unreal world".

I only know 2 things.

-I belong to me

-I belong to hym(you)

Whether i am conscious or wide awake.

I will still be in my two dimensional world that i cant separate myself with.

Thats the truth.

People might think that im lack of confidence.

Actually,its not that.

Its nth abt confidence or lack of love.

Its just me.

N idk what/why or when it turned me into new me.

I cant deny that each day im turning defenceless n hopeless.

And i duno what i need to get out frem what im feeling now.

In these kind of state.

I am trying hard to push myself that i should be in the real world more

than just being in fantasy that always

gives me pleasure,secure n cold.

But how can i not be tempted when being in fantasy makes me feel that im real.

I cant differentiate the real and unreal.

The wrongs the rights.

Ill cry without any reason.

Being in circles with some people would suddenly make me cry.

Most of the time,i just duno myself.

I started to distant myself frem some selected

people so that they wont notice what im doing.

Being alone is what i desperately like to be in,just to feel hym.

Gosh....

Whats happening to me..

What is going to happen to me....

What i am going to become..

Its just soo bloom n dark nowadays.

N no,i am not sick.

I dun need a shrink.

Whether im going to be turn out worse or not.

I hope someday,il get to rediscover myself. before who knows things might go out of hand.

And found the the missing piece that i feel broken/lifeless n lost without it.

Just what i am looking for??

Whats the missing piece??

Soul Seaching Hunt.

2009-11-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

I do not seem to understand why littliest thing that i would have in my possesion fer only a short time would eventuali bring a big impact on me,my life. I tried to think its just my thoughts n its nth more that i should worry about. The more i think about it,the more im breaking down inside. It feels nothing. I feel thr's a missing piece that would make me feel whole again. The emptyness that live in me is so much greater that the feeling of cutting myself. Sometimes..I just wish that i live in fantasy n not reality. Where i knoe that he is there with me. Never gonna take hys eyes off me. He would protect me whatever come what may,he'll be there. I really wish i could be hys kind. Its killing me that each morning i wakes up,its the plain same thing with nothing to look forward to.

Its tougher for me to adamantly convinced myself that im in the reality world. That makes me feel totally far from hym. I admit that im getting crazier each day. Just that i dont show openly to anyone. I rather keep it to myself. I am more confident n calm in my fantasy world where i could only think/feel that he's there. Its kindda wary when i think of the possibilities in future.

Why am i feeling sad most of the time? Why do i feel that im missing a missing broken piece to my life? Why do i think doing wrong is the right thing? I dont think im making sense each day. At times,i rather hope that i am not what i am. Or who i am. If only thr's someone would throw me at the other region of the country,wouldnt it be nice. I wouldnt feeling lost.
I am just looking forward for 2011. I am going to Paris,hopefully. Yes,Paris. A beautiful/romantic place for lovers with so horrifying and unique ancient histories. At least,by then i think i'll get some light or signs for my questions that i have been looking for.
Or perhaps,be myself again.

I am not crazy nor hallucinating anything yet. But i guess,il have to give myself a reality check more often. I just love to be in fantasy. N no,i am not under any influenced that turned me into what i am now.Like i said before,i feel so broken inside. I feel lifeless. I feel thr's a need fer me to look fer the missing piece that i felt nothing without it. I just duno what it is.

I am afraid of myself that things that i am constantly doing is gonna destroy myself. I think i need to be balanced between the two different world that i frequently let myself in.I need to be more careful not to hurt/destroy myself. Or anyone that i know,not physical but mentally perhaps.With what i've been into then n now,with hym-hys existence that i let myself to be in denial back in my head,that just makes me feel happy,secure n whole.Im not crazy,just a little insane. My life isnt incomplete.

To: Starkyy Abberton,

J'appertiens a vous seulement. Cuya jamais marcher loin de moi n'importe ce qu'il prend. Vous ne sais pas combien vous voulez dire pour moi. Si seulement vous savait que j'arrends jusqu'a u plus qu'un ex amoureux. Mon amour pour vous est aussi vaste que le mende. Son ur yeux que je vois trie amour.

My soul searching hunt continues...

A Quiz Fer A Day

2009-11-22T03:45:00.000-08:00

Number One .
-----------------

Wheres your boyfriend?
*i dun have any boyfriend leh.

Name something you did yesterday?
* camwhoring n smoking.

Last person you text messaged?
* Rina.

What colour is your hair?
* Brown n Black.

What was the last thing you cried over?
*scared of losing my x.

Whats something you really want right now, be honest?
* of course my x,Starkyy Abberton.Durh.

Is there anyone on your mind that shouldnt be?
* Robert Pattinson??

Do you have a little sister?
* Nope.

Do you like to listen to the radio when you are in the car?
* No,rather listen to my songs at my celly.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater and when?
* With Rina And Shikin,date-i cnt rmbr but i know its a fasting month.

What are you listening to?
* Isyraf's irritating moaning.

Do you sleep with a fan on?
* Of course!

Do you get good morning texts from anyone?
* Nope. Saddening.

Where is your cell phone?
* Room.

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow?
* Nope , blissfully sleeping til 7:30 (:

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
* Yes,a date with my x.

Did you speak to your dad today?
* Yes,cnt escape.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
* Insyaallah it will.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
* Yes,Starkyy Abberton!!!

Your current relationship status?
* Single but only interested in 1 person .

Do you like it when you get kissed on the forehead?
* Ohhh yeahhh!

Are you waiting for something?
* Yes,mom to get out frm the bathroom.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
* I duno.

Do you text message a lot?
* Not really.

When is the next time you'll kiss someone?
* Hmphs,when i get my x back. Ill prolly want to kiss hym most!

What was the last thing you drank?
* FnN apple drink.

What would your name be with the first three letters
* Sri.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
* No.il be getting married in 5 years time! Huhuhu!

Did you have a good day?
* For now,not really.

If you could move right now would you?
* Yeah,a house w gays n my girlfriends there. .

Are you happy with the way things are going right now?
* Hmph,hard to tell.

Do you like being in pictures?
* Yesyes Picture perfect (:

Where will you be in an hour?
* In the shower,having my own sweet time washing up.

Is your heart broken right now?
* Uhhhh,idk.

How old are your siblings?
* 23 & 21 .

Do you believe in love?
* Yes,only when im in love .

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
* Yeah .

Have you ever done anything outrageously dumb?
* Of course,many times.

Have you ever kissed anyone and never saw them again?
* Uhhhhh....yes.

Where EXACTLY were you when you entered 2009?
* At home,down with fever.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a D?
* Nupe.

Have you ever been back-stabbed by a friend?
* Yes.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
* Nurul n Eyqa.

Spring or summer?
* Summer!

Do you wear make-up?
* Yes. .

Confused about anything?
* Yes,my love stories.

Do you prefer to call or text someone?
* Text.

Do you have a secret that you arent telling anyone?
* Yes.

Number Two.
----------------

1. How often do you think about him?
    Each & every seconds .

2. Do you like him as a friend?
   Nope,i prefer hym as my boyfriend again.

3. How do you know him?
    Friendster-if im not wrong.

4. Who is he?
    Ex-boyfriend.

5. Does he ever talk to you on his own will?
    I duno.

6. Do you think he likes you?
    Before ? Yes. Now,idk.

7. What does he talk about with you?
    Just something simple.

8. What does he gave you?
    Love, care & concern .

9. Do you love him?
    Yes .

10. Does he love you?
    Idk. Better ask hym!

11. Do you feel shy to talk to him?
     Sometimes. More to awkwardness n fear not shy.

12. Does he know that you likes him?
     Yes,he knws that n he knws that i want hym back.

13. Are you a very good friends?
     Good friends ? Maybe .

14. Do you feel that you should hide your weaknesses from him?
     No need to hide. Cos i think he still rmbr/knws my weakness n flaws.

15. Do you think about him all the time?
     Most of the time,yes.

16. Do you feel to give a gift to his birthday even when you don't know how it will make him feel?
    Yupyup but never had a chance to get hym one.

17. Do you really want him to know about your feelings?
     Yes please!

18. Do you believe in love?
     Yeah.

19. What do you think /what are your feelings for him?
      I just want hym back n start everything anew.

20. Do you feel sad when he is not OK?
     Yes,totally .

21. Does your friends know you love him?
     Yes,ummm...family too.

22. Do you stare at him a lot?
     No chance!

23. Do you get jealous when people talk to him?
     Nope,why should i be?

24. Did you tell him you love him?
     Not face to face. Just through werds indirectly that i love hym.

25. Do you call him?
     Nope,i dun dare.

26. Do you text him?
    Yes,when im missing n thinking of hym.

27. Do you think about him everyday?
     Yes,how many times i must ans this qns??!

28. Did you kiss him?
     Wish i could.

29. Do you write about him in your diary or journal?
     Yes! He has the shredded papers of my diary.

30. Do you try to make him jealous to love you?
     No,never,thats silly!

31. Do you ask his friends if they like you or like someone?
     Noo. Thats soo uncool.

32. Do you love more than 1 guy?
     Nope,just hym.

Number Three.
------------------

First off, what is your name?
- Sri Murni

Do you have a best friend that you can talk to 24/7?
- Yeaps.

Do you have any siblings?
- Yah.include me,3 siblings .

How many years apart is your mom and dad?
- Idk,cant be bothered.

Do you like someone?
- Yes!!!!

Where is your dad right now?
- In hys car.

Do you burn incense?
- No .

Closest purple object?
- Cant find any.

What is bugging you right now?
- Time.

How does your hair look right now?
- Ponytail n messy.

Do you have any fears?
- Yupyup,a few.

What do you hear right now?
- Television noise.

Can you roll your tongue?
- Yes,perhaps.

What are you wearing?
- Girl boxer n night top.

Who was the last person to message you?
- Rina.

Do you like emo kids?
- Nope .

Rock or Rap?
- Can i not choose either 1.

Flying or Driving?
- Flying.

Was your Valentine's day nice?
- No valentine , no celebration (:

What are you doing now?
- Doing this quiz .

Would you die for someone?
- No,not worth it.

Do long distance relationships work?
- No.

When did you last talk to one of your siblings?
- Just now .

What are you doing tomorrow?
- Babysitting my babyboy! (:

Do you worry about getting older?
- Why should i?

Do you bite your nails?
- Yeap.

Ever gone a whole day without eating?
- Nope! Haha .

Do you own ripped jeans?
- Yeah,used to.

What would you do if you found out that you were adopted?
- Shocked n pleased-at least thr's someone want to adopt me. Hahahas!

Are you jealous a lot of the time?
- No,jealousy is not in me. At times only!

Do you use a calendar or day planner to schedule everything on?
- Calender! Easy to countdown the days. Hahaha!

Who can make you laugh during the hardest time?
- Girlfriends,cousins n my cibai boys (:

Nina Karina's Bday Bash.

2009-11-22T00:48:00.000-08:00

This is Kanina's Bday Bash pix.

Well,its alot in my dgcam.

But lazy lah to upload all.

It was sooo sooo kecoh ystd.

As u people can see in the 1st pix that i was wearing a BLUE dress.

Sekali,my aunt adamantly wanted ALL the GIRLS wear PINK!

(SAYA HATE PINK!!!!!)

My aunt bought 8 pink top in total ystd.

N ended up,i gotta wear my aunt "salsa dress".

N u neo wod,i totally look like as though im going to salsa class

with my black rose n earrings.

It was aweful!

N then,as usual,my guessing were right-again.

It rains.

Anw,its a monsoon season after all.

Not surprised.

Reached at Changi.

Heavy downpour.

Wooots! I loike!!!

I love rainy days w heavy downpour.

U wanna neo why?

Because!

I find it romantic.

Hahahahahhass!!!

Had my fun last night.

My cousin brother din tag along cos he's working.

Too bad!

It was fun lerh.

Really,Really fun.

Looking forward fer the next family gathering!!

Mamacah!!! I know u might read my bloggie.

Hehehe.

Fer my bday which is 3 more months to go.

I want urm.....

A necklace with encraving 'am.mu.ir.ni'

Okie??

Since my bday 1 day after mel's bday.

Make it 'grand' kay.

LOL!

Kene uat besar2 tau!

Kan babygirl nye sweet 19.

Bahahahahahks!!

N since my bday fall on the Friday,u can plan with Mak,cik nah n mama how to

celebrate mel n my bday,but most importantly,MY birthday.

Lol!!!

Surprised me kay.

Hhahahahaah!!

I want bday party tau mamacah.

The theme should be ummmm,"a date/a night with good people gone bad".

Kene couple2 lah kan.

Like prom night gitu.

Tapi ni chopped n screwed nye prom theme.

Therefore,if by then im still single kan.

Find my Mr Starkyy Abberton je kay mamacah.

As u said before he's a nice guy.

Ohh yeah,he is.

My one n only super ex boyfriend that i hope to win hym back.

So,dun forget tau mamacah.

12th February falls on Friday next year ;)

Plan well n make it work!
Hahahahahaa!!

Thanks mamacah!!

*winks*

Ill be looking forward hor. *winks!*

Instant Certified Sluts.

2009-11-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

Thats my sluttish full time sis.

Heh.

We dun look alike.

We dun have the same personality.

We dun have the same taste(sometimes).

Sometimes we are the same.

Sometimes je.

Siblings after all.

She's random.

Im fussy.

She's rough.

Im soft(bahahahahs!!macam pah soft)

She's annoying.

Im "entertaining".

She's crazy n lame.

And LOUD!

Just like me.

Bahahahahks!!

I think thats the only thing that makes us "sisters".

N no,we are not close.

We are close only time of gossips n bitch talk abt someone.

Thats when our relantionshyp ties become stronger.

Okie enough of that babybitch of mine.

Today is Saturday!!

Tetek's bday!!

Happy 15th Birthday Nina Karina!

May all ur wishes come true today!

Study hard hor.

Dun fool around anymore.

Next yr taking N level,so must study hard!

N also,must exercise more!!

Go lose some weight!.

Hehehe.

Hopefully u'll enjoy ur bday celebration later.

Dun damage that flops i bought fer u as ur bday gift eh!

Happy Sweet 15 tetek!!

*winks!*

Today's color theme:

Boys:Blue

Girls:Pink

Sadly..I am gonna wear blue today.

I guess.

Wo meyo pink liao.

Hurhur!!

Unless mamacah buying 1 hot pink beautiful dress fer me later.

Hahahhas!

Woots!

Beautiful saturday morning today!

Hopefully it dusnt rain later.

Hurhur!

Im lookin forward to celebrate tetek's bday.

*cheeky smile*

Somewhere...Someone...

2009-11-19T22:34:00.000-08:00

As i predicted,things are back to where it used to be.

I dun know what went wrong.

I dun know what happened.

Told hym to warn me beforehand if he ever gonna ignore me 1 fine day

fer hys own good.

But next thing i knew,he was indifferent.

Well,i know fer a fact that he's attached.

But i know my limits.

I din bug hym around desperately wanting hym back.

But y he suddenly do the things that he do.

I know that he's gonna ignore me-again.

I just knew it..

Its nothing new to me anyway.

I just want hym to tell me y must he do this to me.

Y didnt he warn me beforehand when he knows when he is gonna ignore me.

Why??

Can you pls tell me why??

Can you pls explain things to me??

Can you pls mind the werds that u are gonna say??

Im feeling so sad.

Not knowing what i do wrong,he just vanish in thin air.

Im feeling so sad.

Why must things start to fall apart at a short notice.

Im feeling so sad.

Im missing hym somehow.

Im feeling very very very sad.

He put a dart through my dreams and through my heart.

N now,im back where i started again.

Im feeling awefully sad.

Never thought these would end.

As fer now,i gotta stop this awefull madness thats happening now.

Never gonna let myself down again.

If he's ought to be mine,

he would be back.

If he's not,i guess.

We'll let that be that.

I hope hys rshyp last long w hys gf.

*So girls...this is what happened when u remove the guy you loved before.

And as u grow up,u learnt n realize that it was ur own mistake fer letting hym go

and also not learning that taking time is all love is all about.

When u realize that he was ur real love n u didnt knew love til there

was him.As you grow up,you ended up feeling sorry fer urself
and also full of regrets but you can never look back.

Even if you can,big chances he's attached to someone else.

You tried to look hym up but to no avail.And then,you just duno where to start
to look for hym.To tell hym the truth. To let out wods keeping in ur heart.

1 super duper fine day,you found hym back.You wanna tell hym that u were never over hym.You wanna tell hym how much u missed hym.

You wanna tell hym that its all ur fault,ur mistake to let hym go.

And when u r trying to tie a knot of frienship with hym,he simply cut it half way n then distance hymself frem you.N then u started to think what just went wrong.
You started to hate yourself.You blame urself for what happened.

You try to discover ur mistakes.But still,u cnt find anything that would make any sense.
You then asked urself, "isit me?? or isit just hym??"

He left you clueless n speechless. N thats it.

Lesson learnt girls.If you trully love someone.

Treasure that person.Learn hys flaws n what not.

Get to know hym more better.Learn n understand hym.

There's no turning back.

Or someday,you will live ur life with regrets like me.

Fyi,its sucky u noe.

U wouldnt wanna try living ur life full of regrets.

*Im seeing better days.

Tomorrow.

My Day Still Goes On.

2009-11-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

Though my wednesday was a motherfucker day.

I still having my fun.

Crashed at eyqa's place where i got my hair all braided with tiny countless plaits.

The next wednesday morning,went fer breakfast with Mamacah's family.

Gosh!

I love crashing at her place.

Wont miss any 1st meal of the day!

Plus-FOC!

Bahahahaha!!

*winks*

Went shopping after that.

Tetek followed me cos its gonna be easier fer me to buy gift fer her bday.

Wont be a headache to think wod i should get fer her.

Ended up,she wanted the Roxy flops.

Cos her espirit flops is soo soo not gona make it through the day.

Im soo loving one of the parkas i saw.

Thought of buying fer my Paris get-away.

2nd thoughts,im going on 2011.

Thats soo long long way to go

.Pathetic.

Wednesday wasnt a bad day fer me after all.

Cause ummm.

I saw couple of cute guys.

I mean they are really cute!!

Cute guy #1:Me n tetek were going up to the escalator where the guy was at the side

of the escalator.

He was looking at me n i looked at hym.

Our eyes met tau!!

Bahahahaha!!

Kiwak! He's one hot guy!

N then he walked infront of us,we were behind of hym.

N he kept on looking back at us.

Twice!!

But too bad lah kan he went inside Topshop.

I went to Forever 21.

I bet he work there.

Not being confident but im 95% sure he works there.

Heh.

Woots!

He score 10 points!

Wakakaka!!

Cute guy #2:This guy totally reminds me of Hariz.

But this one more good looking lah.

Nothing much abt this guy uhs.

He's the typical guy where u can find hys types at City Hall.

So..he score 7 points.

Bahahahaha!!

Cute guy #3:He werks at OCBC bank as a police guard.

Well..he's in the police uniform.

Wodever he werks as at the bank.

Me n tetek were otw back home.

We were waiting fer the green man to light.

He was across the street in the bank.

From far,he saw us aedy.

Well,i must say that he has a pair of GOOOOOD eyes.

Hahahahaha!!

I crossed the road.

He was at the main door.

He looked at me.

I looked at hym.

He smile.

I smile back n walk away.

This boy in blue score,ummmm.

Wait eh.

Lemme think..

He scores 10 points.

Wakakakakaka!!!

N oooh yah,bumped to my pri sch mates.

Shukry.

He slimmed down abit aedy.

Can tell.

LOL!!

Dekni lagy kelakar.

We took the same bus.

He alighted ferst.

Sempat tau die carik aku.

Just to wave me goodbye.

Wod the hell.

Hahahahs!

Looking forward fer Saturday.

Rounders game.

I Loike!!

*winks!*

Wake Me Up This Time

2009-11-17T02:58:00.000-08:00

Not seeing better days tomorrow.
Well,i can tell anyway.
Yep,i am not blind to see.
Like i said before,i can tell the real frem the fake.

Not as enthusiastic with the wrong moves i've made.
In fact,i should be the one feeling sorry fer myself.
Not hym.

Not happy with what had/have been said.
N im angry with myself.
Not anyone else.
But me.

At least i know that i havent been a total bitchass all these while.
*clapclap*
Some things that i am afraid of happening,
is slowly gonna happen.
Trust me with this one.

Cik Shikin Ku Syg!!
Im not having a good day either.
Well,can i say "Tuesday Plus Wednesday Is Equal To = Motherfuckers'day!"

*

M

O

T

H

E

R

F

U

C

K

A

*

Lessons Learnt.

1.Never celebrated things wayyyyy too early.

2.Never aim smth that u cant achieve.

3.Just pretend that you are alright when things turned their back on u.

4.Just say "alright,im okie" or maebbe.."yah,i understand" when deep down u feel like throwing things to someone or kickass-ing some motherfuckas.

5.Trust urself more you trust the game of fools.

Will It Be My Turn To Ask?

2009-11-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

As i looked through the pixs.

Without any warning,

Black butterflies filled my stomach.

Tho,i may got my little confidence back in me.

Still,it doesnt help.

People can say that i looked different.

With those compliments that made me blushed.

Little they know that i am just a plain jane.

I got answers more than i wana ask some qns.

I tried to turn away n escape with the vibe that got into me.

Curiousity aroused.

Soo many qns i wanna ask.

But the situation naively wont allow me to.

I know most of the people around me might also be dragged in.

If the more i tried to get close.

Somehow,at times.

I just cnt resist the temptation that i got myself into.

Intoxicated by hys presence.

N i cn b a magnet of trouble

not accidents.

Whether he's my past or future,

1 thing fer sure is that.

he has the one hundredth of the attraction i have fer hym.

Questions..

Questions...

Just when is my turn to ask my curiousity questions.

Sigh.

Case Of The Imperfection Girl

2009-11-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Im speechless.
Im scared of losing hym.

I used to be in love with hym.
I was loved by hym.
I loved hym.
I LOVE hym.
Alot!

But things are better left unsaid.
I dont know wod else to do.
My eyes are swelling now.
I got a headache now.

I wana be alone frem everything.
I just want hym to knoe that i've always love hym.

Me plus hym is equal to forever.

Past Lovebirds.

2009-11-10T04:37:00.000-08:00

Yellow heeelllllooo!!

Hahhaaha!

Im eggcited fer this post.

Hahahhas!

Its all about me n hym.

Yes,hym!

The guy that i kept on thinkin n hoping that i could bump to hym super fine day.

Hahahha!

Well,fer a fact that i so still clinging on hym.

I will have to bear in mynd that i must have some limits.

Simply bcos he got the 8 werds with hym.

A-T-T-A-C-H-E-D

Therefore,i must always be careful with my werds n actions.

Though i know he's attached.

I hv no evil intentions to ruin in hys rshyp w hys gf.

Crashing someone's rshyp job,nahhh.

Thats just soo not me.

Im not those type of girl who would do anything just to hv wod she wants.

Of course i do feel upset but i just gotta face it wod.

Hys gf is one lucky girl to have hym.

*Deep sighh*

If i could trade places with hys gf.

I would totally feeling over the moon.

I would rewind those tapes of memories with hym to the ferst tyme i met hym.

Which was on my birthday.

If im not wrong uhs.

Frem there,i would make amends n make things right.

N of course,treat hym right too.

Losing hym was the biggest mistake ever.

N i mean E V E R !!

*flashback*

Back then when i was with hym.

Being hys girlfriend.

All i ever wanted frem hym was to be tough on me n spend time just the two of us.

It was like once we spend time together just the two of us.

But i couldnt tell hym that i need hym soo much as much as he loved me.

N *waterfall coming dwn any minute* he is the ferst guy ever to make the 1st move

to take initiative to hold my hands.

He never once scolded me.
He simply ignored me n kept quiet each tyme i got mad with hym.
He never create a scene in public.
He never shouts/scream at me.
He never throws a punch or a slap across my face.
He never once lied to me back then.
He never cheated on me.(I guess)
He did wodever he could as long as he could see me happy.
He never once take advantage of me
He respected me.
He loves me fer hu i am.

Im not praising hym just bcos i want hym back.

But this is the fact about hym that stand out among the rest of the guys i knoe.

He is special on hys own ways.

The only mistake that i didnt know abt hym back then was,he was sincere in loving me.

N im just soo blessed n glad to have hym back in my life.

Though,not as my boyfriend.

N of course im not gonna ruin this opportunity that given to me.

If he belongs to me,he ought to be mine.

If not,il see better days.

*mon amour pour toi est si grand que le monde*
my love for you is as vast as the world

In hys eyes
I see true love
-Amin-

Random Sunday

2009-11-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yellow hellow!!

So plain random Sunday.

Went out with Mak's familt to Changi n grab smth to eat to fill our little stomach.

Weeets!

So today...

1 whole day i got smth to munch on.

1-Nasi Ayam Penyet

2-Mentos sweets

3-chicken puffs

4-Mentos again

5-CHOCOLATES

N nw,i got a bloated stomach!

Hurhur....

N im styll hungry tho...

-Wod would u do when the one u've been waiting fer is nw right in front of you?

-Wod happens when u cnt deceive urself anymore?

-Wod happens when things are back like hw u wanted it to be?

-Is there any chances?

-Wod would u do when he knows that you are not over hym?

-Wod happens if he is really the one fer you?

What would really happen?

My Life Sucks To The Core

2009-11-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

And so...
I am soo umm shud i say im stress??
Ouhkie,well prolly i should.
I am totally on the verge of giving up in everything.

Fahim.
My stuck up life.
Biased parents.
Friends.

I dont think that i could continue disguise myself.
How can just they assumed that im doing okie.
Sigh.
I mean,i had enough minding some people's feelings.
Which some,i just dun give a fuck.
I have my own life to lead,alright?

I am,

TIRED.
DEFENCELESS.
HOPELESS.
MOTIONLESS.

They always thought that im "ALWAYS" doing okiie.
I understand n i myself knoe that everyone cant run away frem those troubles they're facing.
But came to think of it.
I think im going to have D E P P R E S S I O N - again!

Its like im tired of feeling like hw im feeling nw.
The situation is like fuckin pissed me off.
Each time i landed myself in this plight,i feel like kick-assing someone.
I never wanted to be in these fuckin situation.
I dont even want to.
But i had no choice.

Im defenceless each time i know whats gd fer me.
But then,one or two would discourage me n point a finger at me.
Its like,im through.
I dont wanna be in these situation nw.
The feeling is soooo unbearable fer me.
As much as i want to scream my lungs out.
I just cant.

Im hopeless each time some things turned their backs on me.
I am.
I cnt react like how my mind wanted me to.
The least i could do,swallow it down slowly though i totally feel like cursing them like those sailors.
At times,of course i do blurt n then teary eyed filled me eyes.
There's nth much i could do anyway.

Im motionless like a statue that quiet,still n unmoving each time i cant take it anymore.
Those shitties things just cant get enough of me.

I just want some "justice".
I want my life back.
I want to have more friends.
I want a life just lika an 18 years old turning to 19 years old youth life should be.
I want my freedom back.
I want what used to be mine.

Some just dun get it that my freedom is nw under controlled.
Imma losing some friends.
Imma losing my self confidence.
I hate to mingle with the strangers that i just bumped into.
Given with my "stressing tight-schedules" i had.
Couldnt just they gimme wod i want??

I WANT MY FREEDOM BACK!!!!!

To add more of the anger spices that im having nw.
Im cash strapped!!
Okiee yah,i shop alot.
But thats just girls do wod.
Right??
Aper saje.
Motherfucker!
I hate it when i got some ugly irritating faces i got each tyme i borrowed some cash.
Hello???
Im just BORROWING.
At least,i pay back evry penny that yall lent to me.
Right??
Its not as if i stole those cash.
Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!
Just bcos i dun "earn" much like others.
Its kindda double job fer me to plea fer some cash.
On top of that,its not like i took those cash n run.
Like some do.
Aper saje lah.

Gimme a break okie!
Just gimme wod i want n il just fuck off!

*I need my counsellor back.

-motherfuckas!!!-

ImInLoveWith,

2009-11-05T01:50:00.000-08:00

Yellow readers.
Im starting to rewind bck the memories i had w someone.
It might sound corny.
But i must say that he's the only guy that treat me well n better.

As I look back the years i left hym.
I felt a sense of remorse and regret. I did not make full use of my time to think
through n wisely. I had done many wrong things and did not do other things that I should have.

Just one mistake that change everything to the odds against us.Bck then with hym,it
seems like heaven were smiling down on us.But then,i made the wrong move. Wrong choice. N since then,smth seemed to be putting a curse on me.

After i left hym fer someone else,i noticed that things were falling apart n i frequently
have the strong remorse n regret feelings ever. The next few relantionships i got myself
into doesnt seem to last long. Infact,it is always on the rocks. N either one of us just cant
commit. Its always been like that after i left hym.

If only i could change the history.
I would.
I really hope i could-sometimes...

I knew that very moment that the wrong immature decision i made
would totally screw things up between me n hym.N i know that
i would lose hym forever. Nothing i could say or do would bring hym back. I just couldn't believe that people can change so fast. Like i did. I did not blame hym either. And i dare say that i still have special feelings for hym though i know i would never/have want hym back.

We all learnt many lessons in love. Many mistakes were made. Many wrong turns taken. All of us had matured a little. Each one of us.

Some found their true love after many mistakes. Some never. It was hard to go through all these sad moments. But it was worth it. It was worth to see and know one's true love in the end though there is still a long road ahead. But some just live on, profiting from their selfish actions.

In his eyes

I see true love.
-Amin-

2009-11-04T07:38:00.001-08:00

Should i ??

Shouldnt i??

Hmm....

I miss my curl hair..

P/S:I miss my x bf.. Sigh

2009-10-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

Yello hello!!

Hahahahks!

I just got back frem celebrating Uncle Yacop's bday.

Its so so soo damn fun!

LOL!

It was quite pathetic at ferst.

Because of the rain.

Hurhur.

N we drag the time till like 8 plus?

Soon,we hit the road!

To:

West Coast!

Muahahahahahaks!!

My babyboy,ash.

Tagged us along too!

N also abg ayid.

Dina tagged along too.

It was soo fun that i barely could rmbr

when was the last time we had this family

gathering that is so happening and also filled with laughter.

N fer once,i feel happy today.

Happy to see my family all get things back in order.

Just like the old days.

I simply dusnt wanna forget this day.

A day that is soo meaningful to me.

Marked on 30th 0ctober 2009.

Anw people,dun be mistaken abt me n ash.

He's simply my cousin brother.

Bahahahaks!

We are not an item.

Lol!

If only he's not my cousin brother.

Pheww!!

I would totali find a way to hys heart.

Muahahahahahaha!!!

Just too bad that he's my cousin brother.

Hahahahaks!

And i do love hym hor!

*winks

Gotta tuck in now.

Blog updated.

N nw,i gotta hit to my bed fer my beauty sleep!

Tomorrow:

Watch my syg(Rina) perform with kim.

Best of luck girlfriend!

*winks!

2009-10-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

So today,it was a turn off fer me.
How i wish i could really explain the things i wanna say.
But i just couldnt.
I cnt stand up fer myself,when i knw that i need to.
But i just cnt du it.
I knw she might think im being careless again.
But i had to do it.
Shuddup.
Cos i have to be careful with my werds if i wanna speak up.
I have to mind with some hearts.
Im not a gd babysitter after all.
I make mistakes n i was always careless when it comes to boil hys bottles.
But that was quite sometime ago.
But as fer something else,i always make it a point that he is under my care.
He's my baby cousin .
My babyboy.
I wouldnt want anything bad to happen to him.
With several times of falling dwn with hys head land ferst.
N most of the times at grams place.
My day would be hectic most of the tyme.
But thats just my responsible.
Thats how my day gotta be.

Each tyme he falls,hys head hit the floor with a loud thud.
My heart skips a beat.
Mu heartbeat pumps so fast with the loud thud.
N with hys cries.
I would panic and then lost of werds.
Struggling myself to react fast.
Then worry.
Lastly,guilt.

Ive been with this little boy fer like 11 mths nw.
Its pretty obvious that i love hym so much.
N hw much he mean to me.
Fer these 2 straight days that he got hys head knocked dwn.
He got knocked dwn by either 1 of my cousins
or hys own carelessness.
Though to me its not my fault fer hys head got knocked dwn.
To some others,they think its partly my fault.
Its easier fer them to only say n judge me.
They dun get me.
They always think that babysitting is simple and easy.
How could i accept the blame when its not my fault.
With the blame im getting,
With the several times he fall.
I just wanna give up.
At the very least,when he grows up.
If something happens to hym,
Something not right,i know its not my fault n i wont get the blame.

Mum once said,
"Dun always get fahim got hys head knocked dwn or else when he grow up
he might be "not right" or become ill bcos of several times of hys head got knocked
down frem hys childhood.He's someone child. So take a good care of hym."

Because i dont want hym to be "not right" or "mentally ill"
when he grows up lah i dowan anything bad to happen to hym.
But to some people they dont understand y i got fuckin pissed off
each tyme fahim got hys head knocked dwn.
He's only 1 years old siaked.
N when he was like 8 or 9 or prolly even older.
I was carelessly let hym fall.
I lost hys grip n he fall.
Again,hys head knocked dwn the floor.
That moment,only god knows hw i felt.
Still,i cnt keep it a secret with me.
Or i would never forgive myself.
So,i told Fks.
N no,i din get fucked by her.
Luckily she undrstands.
I was just being careless.
I cn even count the times he got hys head knocked dwn the floor.

To make it more understandable.
I just want my babyboy to grow up normally!
Although couple of times hys head kissed the floor.
I dont want hym to grow up n be mentally ill.
Hu wants that!
Fuck lah.
Just get it straight that he is my baby.
N i dusnt want anything to happen to hym.
Plus!!!
So that i wont get the blame if anything goes wrong with hym.

*Sorry if im being too emotional*

Annonying Arse

2009-10-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

Someone frem my past(not my x bf hor) came bck and its so so awkward fer me. I mean he's trying to win hearts when i just wants to catch things up. He's a Cina but he cnt use hys race or talk abt the things about the past just to win my heart wod.So childish huh!
Boys like hym are totally not my type!Thats totally not a way to win a girl's heart.
Im not gonna pick hym anw. Cos simply i knw hym well. He's the one that i accompanied hym to Borders to help hym find a malay english dictionary.Since that day,he has been
been trying to get close with me. Its very irritating. The more i try to stretch myself frm hym,the more he trying to get close. Haiyah!!!! But 1 thing for sure,i am not gonna fall fer hym. Thats for sure!Any of u girls wants to knoe this guy just ring me celly hor. Cos
he's desperate looking fer girls to be hys gf. Hurhur.

Anw,fer some reasons i am feeling happy these few days lately tho a lil fucked up here n there. Heh. Cos of someone n some friends make my day. Hahahahhaks! But still i knoe,this
smile im havin nw wont last. Hohhooohoho! Mark my werds. Hahahas.

I wonder when will i ever bump to Amin. If only love could be soo real like those Fairytales. Wouldnt it be nice. Hahahhas. Still i knw,he might be someone's ownage
by nw. Whoever have hym as her bf is one lucky gurl. Cos Amin is the type hu knows hw
to treat a girl n he respects girls.

Haiz.Imissedhym.

Gtg now.
Time fer me to wash up.
Bubbye!

2009-10-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

Yellow hello! :D

These pix were snapped last sun.Umm,i think its on the 25th.Heh.I guess.

My girls day out with these crazy girls are always awesome! Just that fer once,

we din converse much. I mean its like we were all very tired frem the day before.

N yah,we still do meet up.Hehehe.At ferst we got no plans until i suggested to dine at pidza hut. N then,Kim suggested that we take away the orders n eat at Marina Biatch .

Pppssttt,the pidza guy in the counter hu took our order was quite a hunk u neo. LOL!

Anw we did as what we planned. It was long n sunny day! We were like all hoping that

we could reach Marina Biatch asap so that we could sit n drink like we nv drink before

fer all our lives. LOL!

I was stilll dwn with flu but yet i got myself wet with the water.Heh.Just enjoyink

my day with my girlfriends.N so,i wouldnt wanna miss the chance having a great tyme with them playing with the water. So y not get wet fer e day. Right? N yah,my eye liner do smudge! Hurhur. My regret fer that day was i din put on shorts or leggings with my dress. Cos i have trouble sitting in the green grass sia. Its fuckin itchy when the "grass hand" touches my skin. Hurhur.

And we cnt stop camwhoring n less talking. Lol!Its quite a simple day but full of energy.

Hahahahah!Rockin weekeends indeed! Its really our ferst time that we din talk much. Even catch things up also were quite snappy talks. Hahahahaks! Too tired i guess. Loads loads n loads pix were taken n snapped. As usual,i just pick the nicest ones. Hohohoho!

As fer this week,i am gonna have a rockin weekends again!

Saturday to Changi. Gona celebrate Uncle Yacop's bday!!N there's colour theme fer that

day too! As usual! But idk lah kan if all of em are gonna wear the colour theme which,boys have to wear white while the girls wear green. Its gonnabe fun! The last time we went fer

a picnic at Changi was Father's Day n the colour theme was white. Heh. N i din get the

chance to ride a bicycle. Lol! Soooooo,this coming saturday(if jady lah kan) im gonna ride a bicycle!! N "race" all the wat with my babybitches or umm..Anyone hu wants to

entertain me that day. Hahahhahaha!! Pathetic pe. Hahahaha!

As fer Sunday plak,im going to Rina's performace at RP. She's performing the 'Kental Lah Lu Mat'. Heh. I hope me n kim gonna get a better n gd seats!Lol!Rockin weekends again! Best per!! So yah,i am lookin forward fer this weekends. Its gonnabe awww-some! *winks

My babybitch sis are gonna use the lappie nw. So saya gotta get my butt out of here.Huhu.

And,sorry fer too many pix. Hahahahaha!!

Anw,enjoy the weekends people! :)

2009-10-27T01:30:00.000-07:00

Mistake #1 - I should have listen to myself.
Mistake #2 - I should never listen to my surroundings.
Mistake #3 - I should have known where its gonna lead me to.
Mistake #4 - I should never have believe at the ferst place.
Mistake #5 - I only got myself to be blame.
Mistake #6 - I wasnt being real to myself.
Mistake #7 - I repeat the same cycle as i did before.
Mistake #8 - I let myself believe that im gonna have wod ive always wanted in life.
Mistake #9 - Too many times i fall in love with the WRONG guys.
Mistake #10 - I was dumb enough to let hym go.
The Truth Is - Im in love with Amin.
Get it people??
All i want is hym.
Sigh~
I just cnt help thinking of hym.
Sigh~
Yeah,i know fer a fact that i can never have hym back.

2009-10-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

I am naively think that i am not at fault .

Or what not .

This is my blog .

I cn write anything i want just to let out my thoughts .

N whatever i wanna blog about.

Some individiuls might think i was referring to them .

When wod i wrote were basicly just to make it snappy .

If anyone feel the spice,then its not my problem .

Cos i speak whats on my mind .

Look things at different angle, if any individuals might feel the spice .

And also,to me .

Unless i did jot down some names there,i dun mind being hated by some individuals.

Whatever it is,i dun see any point that i am at fault n thr's a need to apologize to any individuals abt wod i post in my blog

when i knw that its no harm letting out my frustrations n thoughts in my blog.

There's no names .

There's no SPECIFIC IDENTITY that i am referring to some individuals .

N ummm.

I dun regret posting wod i post in my blog .

Sorry .